“H” is for Hunger but not for food!

One of the noun definitions for hunger is a strong desire or craving. One of the definitions as a verb is to have an eager desire. The interesting thing is that when I was what I considered to be a “FUNCTIONING” alcoholic and cocaine addict I believed I had a strong desire or craving for success that HUNGER!

You see my alcoholism started long before but I MANAGED it. The cocaine addiction came and went over a span of 20 years with a span of 10 years from 2001 to 2011 that I had no cravings for it. All of a sudden in 2011 something snapped and I found it and began the downward spiral that bottomed out in the summer of 2013.

During my functioning alcoholism and addiction I managed to work very  hard because I had a HUNGER to earn a Bachelor of Arts in Communication. I began working fulltime at The University of Texas at San Antonio in the Inclusion and Community Engagement Center where I struggled with dealing with a supervisor that showed a true differential in treatment between myself and the other staff members. Many times I wanted to  say !@$%# it and quit. I didn’t because I had the HUNGER to prove to myself and others that I was not going to be pushed out. I stayed in that office for 2 1/2 years.

After that I moved into a position that was actually a double promotion into the University Career Center. My director stated many times, prior to my descent into hell, why would I buy a Chevy when I can have a Cadillac. I was very good at my job even as a FUNCTIONING alcoholic/addict. I was very involved in other areas of the university along with doing my job. While in this position I had the HUNGER for and earned my Master of Arts Degree in Communication, the first in my family to earn a Master’s Degree. But when the descent started getting to the point of no return my attendance made me a liability and I was no longer reliable. I have since made my amends in writing to my former director and personally to my former associate director whom I reported to directly. She was the one who caught the brunt of the director’s wrath because of my becoming a liability. 

Why do I tell you this? Because now I have a new HUNGER and I am a firm believer that in the great big picture all individuals should be given an opportunity to have a chance at both personal and professional redemption. I no longer say that I lost my position at the university, I say I gave it up because my alcoholism/addiction were more important than anything else. I have begun to get interviews for positions that I am well qualified for back at the university. I do believe that at some point a hiring manager is going to truly recognize my HUNGER to return and will know that I am the right person for the position and will have no qualms in hiring me. Some folks have said that I will never be rehired. I do not believe in the word NEVER!!!!

Part of my HUNGER comes out of the fact that I am not afraid to own up to who and what I am. How do I help others if all I do is sit by silently? This means sometimes if needed I have to tell my story minimally to those individuals that are siting on the selection committees. I do always preface it with this may help me or it may harm me. I think it is always important to share yourself and your story not just to help others but to continue in your own recovery.

Other than food, what do you have a HUNGER for? Until Next time, “That’s What’s Rattling My Cage!

H

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2 thoughts on ““H” is for Hunger but not for food!

  1. Emil's Dichotomy says:

    Loved this post! I could most definitely relate to the hunger you’ve experienced. I also agree you can’t help anyone by sitting silently. And for that I appreciate your sharing!

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