Why has it taken so long?

Tonight is the first time that I have logged into my blog since June 2016 and my last post was “Make the hurt stop, please!” after Cruz and I had endured five months of heartache and had lost 5 of our ten four legged babies Tippy, Buddy, Fluffy, Minnie “Doodle”, and Patty. 2016 ended with one more loss, our oldest Stitchy who Cruz had to send over the Rainbow Bridge on December 27th while I was still out of town visiting my family in Houston. He was 11 years 4 months and 10 days old. Even though I was out of town, I talked to him while it was happening.

Stitchy

Since June, I have had so many things that I wanted to write about, specifically politics – but my heart just was not in it. I am hoping that this first blog of the new year will get me moving because – YES – I do have a lot to say!

As we move forward and I begin to post more, I am sure that I will make some folks happy and I will probably anger some folks. That is the nature of the beast!

One other thing that happened since my last post is that I turned 50 on September 14th and have been dealing with a major breakdown and a deep depression. I ended 2 1/2 years of sobriety from alcohol addiction and cocaine addiction and I trying to find my way back – because unfortunately I made poor decisions and and took actions uncharacteristic of me that caused me to resign my position with the University of Texas at San Antonio on February 16th of this year which I had fought so hard to get back after my addictions caused me to leave in August 2013. I have a very close friend of 18 years that made this statement, “Greg, you worked so hard to get back into UTSA to prove everybody wrong, because everyone said that you would never get back. Was you proved them wrong and got back into the university – you busted your ass for a year or so and then sat your desk, knowing there nowhere for you to move in that department, and said NOW WHAT!!!”

So tonight as I close this blog, I ask NOW WHAT?

That’s “What’s Rattling my cage!”

Slightly late #SoCS & #JusJoJan |What?

This post is part of Linda G. Hill’s #SoCS and #JusJoJan

What was it about alcohol and cocaine that drew me to it? Almost two years into RECOVERY from alcoholism and cocaine addiction, I often ask myself this question.

Now I know part of it was my suffering from being bipolar and constantly fighting depression not necessarily associated with my being bipolar. I also know now that even though I put up an awesome front regarding  my own self esteem – I truly had none.

But today after all of the soul searching, all the crying, all the prayers, and all the love and support of my awesome family and friends – SPECIFICALLY my husband of almost 15 years Cruzer – THE PROMISES CONTINUE TO COME TRUE FOR ME!!!!

So happy to be SOBER and CLEAN just for this ONE 24 HOUR PERIOD!!!

I WILL NEVER BE FULLY RECOVERED!!! BUT RECOVERY IS WINNING!!!

 

Just Jot It January 15th – Leadership

This post is part of #JusJoJan

jjj-2016

When I saw this prompt yesterday, I was all excited to talk about me and my leadership skills. I changed my mind since then.

I just want to say that I am BLESSED to work in The Office of P-20 Initiatives at The University of Texas at San Antonio and for LEADERSHIP that recognizes their team member’s talents both raw and those honed. 

These leaders allow their staff to have their autonomy to do what is expected and if they achieve more than expected, then all the more better.

I am one of those individuals that works well with others, however my leadership also knows that I do extremely on my own! On December 31 it was official that my 6 month probationary period is complete.

So I thank my LEADERSHIP for recognizing that I was ready and deserved to return back to my BELOVED University of Texas at San Antonio after 22 months of being away due to my very publicized (by me of course, as I am an open book) fall from grace due to alcoholism, cocaine addiction, being bipolar and extreme depression of a different sort!!!!

SoCS | Late but STILL Particpating!!!

socs-badge-2015

This post is part of Linda G. Hill’s Stream of Consciousness Saturday.

“Still” what a fun little four letter word. I can be still and do nothing, say nothing, or worse – write nothing. I still have a passion to write. Yet since returning to my beloved University of Texas at San Antonio on July 1st, I thought for sure by now I would be in a great place to begin writing again, I still find myself exhausted and unable to find that energy and drive to write. How do my fellow writers still find the energy and drive. Some of you are my idols specifically Linda G. Hill who writes EVERYDAY, sometimes twice a day. I love that.

You see my blog is titled “What’s Rattling My Cage!” and right now there is so much that has been rattling my cage. We still have the carnival show of Donald Trump, Dr. Ben Carson and the rest of the Republican nominees hoping to still have their names still in the pot come next summer after the primaries are done in time for the Republican Convention. We can not forget to mention the much smaller field of Democratic nominees of Hillary Rodham Clinton, Bernie Sanders and three others that to me really did stand still in the first Democratic Presidential Debate.

Of course there is still the never ending battle to end all forms of INEQUALITY in this great country of ours. There will only be one way that inequality will go away, and it will take a much larger fight, The wording of the second paragraph of The Declaration of Independence of the United States says the following:

“We hold these Truths to be self-evident, that all Men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of happiness—That to secure these Rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just Powers from the Consent of the Governed, that whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its Foundation on such Principles, and organizing its Powers in such Form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and happiness.”

Because our politicians lean so heavily on the United States Constitution, as they still should. We have to be able to look at both documents and find a way to say bring them both into the 21st Century and beyond. The authors of the Declaration of Independence and the Framers of the Constitution could never have IMAGINED that their budding fledgling country would STILL be in existence 239 years later with all of the illnesses and wars that went on. Yet we are STILL here and that first line in the second paragraph of the Declaration must be amended to reflect that ALL HUMAN CITIZENS are CREATED EQUAL!! This may mean that an Amendment to the Constitution will also have to be done. That will never happen because this country was founded and has been run by WHITE PROTESTANT/QUAKER MEN regardless of the amount of women and minorities that are in the House and Senate. Still, Just saying!!!

One other major problem that is still rattling my cage is all of this gun violence happening across our country and that will be a whole other post. Maybe I will be able to get to it this afternoon!!

Yes I am still a very proud 49 year old homosexual, still THRIVING not just SURVIVING with HIV/AIDS for 18 1/2 years. Yes my partner and I survived my freaking hell of alcohol and cocaine addiction and we are still building on my continued growth. Yes I am STILL SOBER and CLEAN, in fact 1 year 8 months. Yes I am STILL finding people across campus that tell me, I am so glad you are back because you know how to do the job right. The only thing that has changed is that my mother in HEAVEN sent Cruz and me a 10th dog on her birthday October 6th. We are still determining what we are going to do with him. He seems to be a Pure Bred Australian Cattle Dog. He is at most 1 1/2 years old. He is just so playful and loving as can be. Whoever had him taught huggins and kisses because he loves to do both. But, he is a tearer upper – which may be why they got rid of him. There are STILL idiots who take home dogs and have no idea how to care and love them!!!

LittleMan