The One Question Christians Need To Stop Asking People, When Their Loved One Dies

Excellent post by John Pavlovitz! I pray that I never ask a grieving individual that question. First it is not my place as a Christian or otherwise to ask and second it is not my business no matter how close I am to the individual.

john pavlovitz


Two days after my father died, I was walking into my church and ran into a good friend. She hugged me and expressed how sorry she was for my loss.

She loves me and she meant it.

Then, without taking a breath, she looked me in the eyes and asked a question that kicked me right in the stomach, and she never even knew it:

“Your Dad was saved, right? I mean, He knew the Lord, right?”

Christian, this is both a common, and really, really terrible question to ask anyone who has just lost someone they love deeply. There’s simply no good resolution, and here’s why:

If the person answers, Yes, to the question of whether or not their loved one was “saved”, what immediately follows is an attempt, (intentionally or not), to minimize the grieving person’s own personal pain; the rationale being, that if we know that Uncle Bill is dancing in…

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5 Ways To Avoid Your Own Valentine’s Day Massacre

Excellent advice for this holiday. My partner and I will celebrate our 14th anniversary on Valentine’s Day! This year has been rough and the other day I said I was sorry I wasn’t able to get him anything for our anniversary. He just stated that he did not need me to buy him anything because I gave his gift this year by staying clean and sober which I will celebrate my 1 year on Thursday 2/12/2015.

john pavlovitz

Ahhhhh… Do you smell that?

It’s that magical time of year again; when massive, heart-shaped boxes of overpriced chocolates line the entry way to every supermarket, drug store and gas station; when renegade roadside stands of roses shoot up like springtime driveway crabgrass; when restaurants, jewelers, and car dealers all leap wildly from their respective corners, breathlessly salivating in anticipation of the oncoming emotional Armageddon:

Valentine’s Day.

Chances are, a good deal of you reading this will soon find yourself somewhere along the continuum of those whose hearts and wallets will be hijacked by Hallmark; crushed beneath the weight of candy-coated affection and store-bought closeness.

As a service, I’d like to offer a few tips to help you retain some sanity and dignity, as this most holy day of relational obligation approaches. 

Whether you’re attached, estranged, alone, (or some odd combination of the three), here’s how you might avoid disaster this week:

1) Don’t overcompensate, financially or emotionally.

If you’re…

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